January 25, 2014
One of the best verses I know in the Bible is this:
“For I am convinced that neither
death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future,
nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will
be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:38-39)
NOTHING can separate me from God’s love! What a comfort that
is!
Jesus loves me, this I know…and I know that I know because
He tells me every day, in so many, many ways. Just a few
weeks ago, after my cousin had a very serious health
problem, I was praying for her and that God would flip the switch for her; that
He would just reach into her life and turn off that thing that was primary in causing
her health problems. And while I prayed for her, I threw in a prayer for
myself. I thought: “if I can pray this prayer for someone else, why is it so
hard to pray it for myself? God, please flip the Pepsi switch in my brain to
the ‘off’ position!”
On Thursday, January 9, (three days later) I woke up, got
ready, drove to work, and didn’t stop for a Pepsi on the way in. I got myself
some water, sat down at my desk, and didn’t go for a pop from the cooler – but
I kept refilling my water glass. I bought lunch and didn’t order a Pepsi. And
the funny thing was that I didn’t even notice that I wasn’t interested. When I
did finally notice, I asked myself if I wanted/needed one, and my answer was a
very surprised “no”.
For those who don’t know me very well, I have been a die-hard
Pepsi-holic for 40 years now. I have tried and tried to give it up. I only
succeeded during my pregnancies and breast-feeding (because I can do it for
someone else, just not for myself. Serious psychology, there!) Then as soon as
each baby was weaned, it was back to the bottle! I drank diet for a while, but
it was too hard on me so I switched back to regular. I have prayed, I have
fasted, I have made it as long as three weeks without it, but it was always a
fight, every step of the way.
And then on this fateful Thursday, God reached down and
flipped the switch! And the funny thing is I have made it through two
“high-Pepsi” occasions since then: a 4 day trip to Ocean Shores with my
girlfriends (usually a 4 20 oz. bottle a day x 4 days splurge) and moving not
just myself, but Ken and Nicole on the same day (extra heavy stress, which is
always an excuse for more Pepsi). But not once did I want a Pepsi. Not during
the two day headache of caffeine withdrawal, not during the still ongoing drag
of getting used to the lack of caffeine and sugar in my blood stream.
The funny thing is that Pepsi isn’t appealing to me, nor is
it unappealing. It’s just neutral. It truly is not a factor in my life anymore.
I know some of you are saying “we’ll see” and “here we go again”. That’s fine.
I have seen and I believe and I can’t wait to see the rest of the story!
I have replaced the pop with water. Yes, just plain old
water. And it tastes GOOD! Usually water only tastes good to me in the summer.
Sugary substances are starting to taste bad to me now; too sweet or just
downright yucky. I’m so pleased!
I was joking with a friend that the next thing God would do
was make me want to walk! Then, on my
way home the other night, I heard a commercial for signups for the Susan G Komen
3-Day, and this is something Nicole and I have been talking about doing some
year. I thought “maybe this is the year…?” Then I thought that probably it
would have to be next year, if I started training now to get in shape for it. I
know that they have a training program they ask you to do to get ready for it,
and it gradually helps you arrive at the 20 miles a day mark without killing
yourself to do it. Then I thought “Wait a minute! Very funny, God!!! You almost
tricked me into that one!”
Actually, I am still thinking of contacting the 3-Day people
and explaining my situation (wanting to go from sedentary to 60 miles/three
days) and asking if they have a 2 year plan! J
The thing that truly strikes me about the movement I see in
my life right now is this: God is keeping me unconscious of what He is doing
until well after He’s already done it. I call it “tricking” me, but really He’s
using the true desires of my heart to move me out of a bad and dangerous life
situation, into something healthy and life-giving! He knows, and I have
admitted more than once through tears and pain and anguish that only He can
make the changes in me that are needed. And He is starting to make those
changes. And I say “watch out world, here we come!”
So many major things in my life have changed in the past year:
·
I’ve moved twice
·
I’ve changed churches (I now attend Mars Hill in
Shoreline)
·
I’ve changed positions at work – movin’ on up!
·
I’ve changed bosses.
·
I’ve been through the scariest year of my life,
health-wise (everything’s okay; the process of figuring that out was the scary
part)
But what I have learned is that God loves me. He is here
beside me; sometimes through His Word; sometimes through the voices of my
daughters, or my pastor, or my friends, or complete strangers; sometimes in the
sunrise or sunset or in the beautiful mountain ranges that surround me. And
sometimes, in my darkest nights, He is there in the words of the music He has
given me. Whether it is on the radio or in the pages of my choir book, He has
reached out to me in music, touched my heart, and healed me of my sorrows.
And I have learned (am still learning?) that it’s okay to
ask for help, and to ask for prayer. And I’ve learned that I have cared too
much what other people think about what I can and can’t do, and not enough
about what I know God can do. And I’ve learned that I have put my trust in
myself instead of God, even though I would have sworn that wasn’t true.
I have learned, much to my chagrin, that I have a very bad
habit of letting myself talk when I should be shutting up. Just because
something is true doesn’t mean I have to say it. And I certainly don’t have to
say it to everyone I know, especially when it puts another person in a bad
light. And because of this bad habit, and my wanting to stop it, and being
unable to do so in my own power, I have learned the meaning of the most
confounding, confusing passage in the Bible (for me):
“I do not understand what I do. For
what I want to do, I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not
want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself
who do it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not
dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is
good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the
evil I do not want to do – this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want
to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.
So I find this law at work:
Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being
I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against
the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within
me. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject
to death? Thanks be to God, Who delivers me through Christ Jesus our Lord!” (Romans7:15-25)
Until I was ready to believe this passage completely and
utterly in my heart, God did not allow me to understand it. It’s not really as
difficult as I always thought it was; I just wasn’t ready to hear it. What I
now understand is that without God in my life, and without me giving Him
complete control, without my faith in Jesus as my Savior, I cannot do anything
to save myself. I cannot quit sinning. I cannot do the right thing - even
though it is the deepest desire of my heart - because of my sin nature. If I
could do it myself, I wouldn’t need a savior. And I do! Oh how I do! Good thing
I found Him, huh?
God has been speaking to me about my health for some time
now. As I watch others around me stricken with problems, some brought on by bad
health habits, some by disease, some by genetics, and some for who-knows-what
reason, I have taken myself to task about my own bad habits. And as I watch my
own body begin to break down from years of abusive eating (and Pepsi drinking)
habits, I cannot believe how bad it’s become. But even so, once again, I find I
cannot do anything in my own power. Only the power of Jesus, alive in me, can
heal my body and my mind and my spirit.
So I am taking it – truly – one day/one meal at a time. I do
what I can each day and I don’t beat myself up for what I can’t do or haven’t
done. And someday soon, I’ll make it through a whole day eating only healthy
foods. And then a week. And one day I’ll look up and find a whole new me
looking back in that old mirror. And won’t that be a blessing?
Feb 14, 2014
I figured that even though I haven’t posted this blog yet, I
should probably check in and say how I’m doing: I’m still not drinking Pepsi!!!
5 weeks now; can you believe it?
As of yesterday I had lost 8 lbs. I keep saying that it’s
only from the lack of Pepsi, but really too often when I stopped for a Pepsi in
the morning, I’d also pick up a pastry or mini donuts and chow down. I don’t do
that so much anymore because I’m not stopping for pop every day. Since my move
to Bothell, I’ve changed my route home, so the evil Blizzard doesn’t call my
name quite so often. And I’ve started cooking for myself on the weekends so
that I have food for the week at work and at dinnertime.
It doesn’t feel like I’ve done very much, but one thing
truly has led to another. It’s pretty awesome, here where I’m standing! I still
have a long way to go; I know that. But I’m feeling encouraged that God is here
beside me, walking every step of the way with me.
Happy Valentine’s Day, my dears. Love to you all, from me
and my One True Love. J
(Hint: His initials are J.C. and He loves you as much as He loves me. AND I’m
more than happy to share Him with the whole wide world!)
