I am so sorry I hurt you. You see, when Grandpa died, I couldn't take it. It seemed to be the last in a long string of abandonments by people who should have never left me and I just couldn't risk another one. So I withdrew from you. I was not available emotionally, when we had been so close before. I just shut down.
Now, looking back, I can see the reasons. I know what I was going through and I have empathy and compassion for that younger me. But you didn't know. You were in pain of your own and needed me to be there for you.
It wasn't my place to take all of your burdens on my shoulders; I know that. But I shouldn't have pulled away from you. You see, I knew you would probably die soon, and I just couldn't stand the thought of losing you. So I left you rather than letting you leave me.
I was young and immature and too self-aware. Definitely not aware of others' needs, just my own.
I didn't know I wanted or needed your forgiveness then, and I can't ask for it now. But I know you have already forgiven me and when I see you again it will be a time filled with joy.
I love you, Grandma,